Plea“For a shame-based person, ‘spiritual awakening’ is impossible until the ‘externalization’ work is done. Without such work, our ego self remains ruptured and alienated.” - John Bradshaw, Healing the Shame That Binds You Lord, I’m crushed beneath my history, pinned in place by painful years. But I can hear you calling me, to come to you, to abandon my fears. I’ve been looking for healing in your word. I’ve been longing to feel joy and love. I’ve been praying without ceasing for your peace and healing. I’ve been keeping my eyes fixed above. But I lost myself when I buried my pain. I don’t know who I am apart from what I do. The experts say I must deal with my shame, that I have to find myself in order to find you. They say I have to go back and relive repressed anger, pain, shame, and sadness. I’m not sure why -- with all you have to give -- I’d have to stand alone and flirt with madness. But I’ve tried to follow their instructions to resurrect my fossilized feelings, but all I’ve unearthed is frustration. I seem to be numb without your divine healing. I don’t really think it’s your intention For me to do this all alone. Psychology is a very modern invention, and pain is so very old. I’ve confessed every sin I can think of. I’ve forgiven my foes and forsaken hate. I confess I can’t do this without your love, but I’m helpless and broken, and I can’t stand the wait. Please find me, Lord. I’ve lost myself somewhere in a hazy, loveless past. Without you, I can’t love anyone else. -- I’ll do whatever you ask. This is not what I wanted to say today I wanted to sing of love, praise, and glory, but I know hope in you is the only way, And I know you wrote love into my story. Please help me, Lord. I’m weary and weak. In me, reveal your glory. It’s your love, your face I seek. And I know you wrote love into my story. –A.M. Otwell, 2004 |